Woah, hold on God!

So tonight, as I was sitting there in silence reading Psalm, the Lord presented me with a passage that I probably have read a dozen times, but tonight it took on a completely different meaning. Don't you hate...okay not hate, but love when God reveals something about you, something that your inner self is crying out but you just can't seem to find the words. So what does God do? Point you to a scripture or passage that had someone else feeling the exact same way you do?

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So I present you with Psalm 3 (mine is in New Living Translation)

"O Lord, I have so many enemies:

so many are against me.

So many are saying, "God will never rescue him"

But you, O Lord are a shield around me;

you are my glory, the one who holds my head high.

I cried out to the Lord, and he answered me from his Holy Mountain.

I lay down and slept,

yet I woke up in safety,

for the Lord was watching over me.

I am not afraid of ten thousand enemies who

surround me on every side.

Arise, O Lord! Rescue me, my God!

Slap all my enemies in the face!

Shatter the teeth of the wicked!

Victory comes from you, O Lord.

May you bless your people.

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So yeah, this passage is my heart right now. I shared with the two ladies in my Life transformation group this Saturday morning that my heart is hurting. It's hurting because of so many issues going on in our family. On my side, and on John's side. It hurts! And honestly, I feel as if I am standing up and their are enemies all around me. This verse was simply the cry of my heart because no matter how I feel right now, God is watching over me and he will not let my enemies get to me. I think sometimes I forget that God does hear me! He is answering my prayers. He will take care of my enemies, and he wants me to just trust in him and have a heart for serving and seeking him in this situation. I really believe that the Lord does have reconciliation in plan, but my plan may be wrong. For our sake as a family I hope reconciliation is the plan because there is nothing more dear to my heart than family.

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Also, this cries volumes on my struggle with Anxiety. Many of you know I have been REALLY struggling with this for almost 6 years! Can I tell you from experience how much it stinks to be in bondage to something like this for so long!?!? God truly is the one who can rescue me from this. I consider my anxiety an enemy.. most certainly Satan. I always let it feed at me and eat me away until the point I think I have some life altering disease. Its always this way.. I remember a quote a bible professor at LCU told me

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"Two natures beat within my breast, one is foul and one is blessed.

One I love, and one I hate. The one I feed will dominate"

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Its so very true! The more and more I continue to let the chains on my mind and soul continue to get tighter and heavier, the more and more I feed it, and the more and more I become a SLAVE to it! So praise be to God, because I know, I am on my way to experiencing true freedom from anxiety!!

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Praise: This Saturday I was able to rekindle a relationship with a cousin of mine and it was the most amazing thing to feel the warmth of the Lord covering me as I spoke to her in confidence. Sometimes it just SUCKS to say your sorry when you feel you really aren't. But the Lord is silly in that he always shows me something about myself that needs to change critically when I pray for the hearts of those I love to change. That funny God! He wants us to be in his image, and that means that there are things in our lives, as sinful humans, that need to be broken off of us. We need to get rid of them, and sometimes that takes noticing it in someone we love for us to begin to pray for them, and in reality, it's us that needs to change!

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Also in Psalm 4:4, the Lord commands us to not let our anger get the best of us! He tells us to sleep on our thoughts. I think this is so true! How often do you go to bed pissed off (can I say that on here??) and when you finally do go to sleep, you wake up in the morning with a new understanding about the situation or person. You can honestly see how your attitude needed rest to change. I think it's so important to realize that even David (the Man after Gods own heart) struggled with anger just like I do!

Run to him!!!